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List:       kde-freeqt
Subject:    [freeqt] FW: 1 liners
From:       "Davis, Kelly W" <DavisKW () LOUISVILLE ! STORTEK ! COM>
Date:       1999-04-12 19:37:11
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> > > Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
> > genitals through his wallet.
> > * Robin Williams
> >
> > Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the
> > only time of the month that I can be myself.
> > * Roseanne
> >
> > Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
> > * Billy Crystal
> >
> > I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was,
> > 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, "I 
> should hope
> 
> > not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?"
> > * Larry Miller
> >
> > If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap!"
> > * Delta Burke
> >
> > You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will 
> give you this
> 
> > look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of
> that!"
> > * Dave Barry
> >
> > According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
> > undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
> > women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men
> > are just grateful.
> > * Jay Leno
> >
> > I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't
> > know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not
> > want it.
> > * Bill Cosby
> >
> > In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the 
> Wonder Bra. Is
> 
> > that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough
> > attention to women's breasts?
> > * Jay Leno
> >
> > My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and
> > vehicle maintenance.
> > * Tim Allen
> >
> > We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front
> > lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we
> > can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women 
> and say, "You
> 
> > see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
> > * Elayne Boosler
> >
> > Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will
> > choose your rest home.
> > * Phyllis Diller
> >
> > There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men
> > are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause
> > severe swelling. So what's the problem?
> > * Jay Leno
> >
> > When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
> > * Elayne Boosler
> >
> > The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent
> > because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they're
> going
> > from semiautomatics to Uzis.
> > * Conan O'Brien
> >
> > Men look at women the way men look at cars. Everyone looks at
> Ferraris.
> > Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all buy station wagons.
> > * Tim Allen
> >
> > There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men 
> don't think
> 
> > there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn.
> > Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
> > * Jerry Seinfield
> >
> > Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra
> > liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
> > * Tim Allen
> >
> > AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills
> > through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of
> > saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say,
> > "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."
> > * Jay Leno
> >
> > You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have
> > to start all over again.
> > * Joan Rivers
> >
> > A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every
> day
> > just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done
> > in the morning: We're government workers!
> > * Jay Leno
> >
> > Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a 
> penny into a
> > plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot
> > across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
> > * Tim Allen
> >
> > Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband
> > forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he
> > wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code.....he turned himself in.
> > * Rita Rudner
> >
> > If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
> > * George Carlin
> >
> > That married couples can live together day after day is a 
> miracle that
> 
> > the Vatican has overlooked.
> > * Bill Cosby
> >
> > I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his
> > house.
> > * Zsa Zsa Gabor
> >
> > When I was in Boy Scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A
> > little old lady had to help me across the street.
> > * Steven Wright
> >
> > After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And
> she
> > said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."
> > * Gary Shandling
> >
> > Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't
> like
> > and give her a house.
> > * Lewis Grizzard
> >
> > The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
> > job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At
> > the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
> > * Jeff Foxworthy
> >
> 

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