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List:       humorix
Subject:    [humorix] Is Linux Good For Your Health?
From:       James Baughn <jbaughn () ldd ! net>
Date:       1999-08-22 17:25:03
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Is Linux Good For Your Health?
August 22, 1999

Another month, another round of conflicting medical studies
published. Research firms and medical schools are
frantically grasping at straws, trying to show that the
grant money they received this year is going to good use. 
In this month's issue of the Pedantic Medical Studies
Gazette, two studies about the health impacts of Linux on
its users were published.

The first study, conducted by the Chicago Sub-Basement
Medical School, suggests that Linux users are less healthy
than other OS users.  The study demonstrates a connection
between prolonged Linux use and a higher rate of stress and
illness.  However, the research firm of Studies 'R Us Labs,
Inc. of Chattafoocheeble, Georgia disputes the Chicago
study.  "I'd rather have a ton of manuer than a copy of
that study," said one Studies 'R Us lab assistant. "At
least maneur has some value."

Bob McDermott, the author of the Chicago study, said at a
press conference, "Linux causes stress.  Its lack of
support, low number of applications, lack of a consistent
GUI, and difficult install procedure makes it much more
stressful to use.  As proven in our study of 9 Linux users
over a three week span, this stress causes a general
decline in life expectancy.  I strongly suggest that Linux
fall under strict government regulations.  It's just that
bad, folks."

Studies 'R Us Labs immediately held their own press
conference to dispute McDermott's study.  Eric Jones, chief
Studies 'R Us researcher, told the press, "That Chicago
study has no basis in scientific fact whatsoever.  We
suspect their 'study' is a hoax designed to gain funding. 
We would also like to point out, for the record, that the
'prestigious' Chicago Sub-Basement Medical School is the
same organization that has claimed that asbestos, lead, and
radon are not harmful in any way.  They are obviously
lackeys for large corporations such as Allied Asbestos
Associates, Inc. and Microsoft."

Eric Jones then presented both reporters in attendance at
the press conference (myself and a cub reporter for the
"Hoosier County Standard-Democrat-Picayune-Journal-
Gazette") a copy of Studies 'R Us Labs' own study about the
health benefits of Linux. In this study, 815 Linux,
Windows, and Macintosh users were observed for a period of
two years.  While the results are a bit sketchy, they seem
to indicate that the stress level for the Windows users was
far higher than that for the other two groups.  Eric Jones
commented, "Windows, with its frequent crashes, Registry
corruptions, inconsistent interface, and need for periodic
re-installing, has a negative impact on the health of its
users.  I strongly suggest that Windows fall under strict
government regulations.  It's just that bad, folks."

---

James S. Baughn
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/

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