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List:       humorix
Subject:    [humorix] Mass Exodus From Hollywood
From:       James Baughn <jbaughn () ldd ! net>
Date:       2002-05-07 2:01:51
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Mass Exodus From Hollywood
May 6, 2002

During the past week, over 150 Hollywood actors, musicians,
writers, directors, and key grips have quit their day jobs
and moved to the Midwest to engage in quieter occupations
such as gardening or accounting.  All of the these people
cite the fear of piracy as the number one reason for giving
up their careers.

"I simply can't sit by and let my hard work be stolen by
some snot nosed punk over the Internet," explained
millionaire movie director Steve Bergospiel. "There's
absolutely no incentive to create movies if they're going
to be transmitted at the speed of light by thousands of
infringers.  Such criminal acts personally cost me hundreds
-- no, thousands -- of dollars.  I can't take that kind of
fear and abuse anymore."

MPAA President Pei Pervue considers the exodus to be proof
that Hollywood is waking up to the fact that they are being
"held hostage" by copyright infringers. "Without copyright
protection and government-backed monopolies on intellectual
property, these's absolutely no reason to engage in the
creative process.  Now the Internet, with its
click-and-pirate technology, makes it easy for anybody to
flout the law and become a copyright terrorist.  With the
scales tipped so much in favor of criminals, it's no wonder
Hollywood's elite have decided to throw in the towel and
turn their efforts to other occupations in which their hard
work won't be stolen by others.  What a shame."

Former guitar player Sow Ergrayps took a job as a stained
glass window maker  in Keokuk, Iowa.  "I got sick and tired
of seeing MP3s of my band's music at every nook and cranny
of the Net.  Now I'm devoting my creative talents to
something that evil pirates won't be able to steal." 
[Editor's Note: Actually, we've received word that the
plans for one of Mr. Ergrayps' windows has already been
photocopied and posted to various online file-trading
services.]

Another ex-Hollywoodian said sharply, "If we don't start
passing strict laws against copying, Hollywood is going to
become a ghost town within ten years.  The entire film,
music, television, and publishing industries will be wiped
out."  The same doomsayer said this doom: "And if the
government doesn't stop harassing Microsoft for anti-trust
violations, the entire economy will collapse and 500
million Americans will lose their jobs."

The Humorix Vast Spy Network(tm) assures us that there's
little reason for geeks to panic over the Hollywood
defections so far.  The supply of new "Simpsons" and "South
Park" episode will continue unabated as long as those shows
remain profitable, and the release schedule for "Star Wars"
prequels, "The Matrix" sequels, and "Lord of the Rings"
remains unchanged.  The only noticeable effect is that new
releases by several boy bands will be delayed until
replacement audio engineers can be found, but we here at
Humorix consider this to be good news.

--
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/

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