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List:       dmca-discuss
Subject:    [DMCA_discuss] BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas
From:       davev <davev () ziplip ! com>
Date:       2001-12-21 21:20:21
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BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas
By Simon Travaglia
Posted: 21/12/2001 at 13:23 GMT


BOFH 2001: Episode 32

'Twas the night before Christmas, on Management floor 
Not a creature was stirring, except by the door; 
The Board Member's stockings were hung up with care, 
In hopes that their bonus cheques soon would be there; 

The workers had missed out - the bonuses few, 
Just enough for the bosses, (and shareholders too) 
The Bastard was slighted, this wasn't that good 
Action was needed - a la Robin Hood. 

The bosses were nestled all snug in their beds, 
While visions of pound signs danced in their heads; 
The Boss in his diapers, asleep in a trice 
Was dreaming a storm about him and Posh Spice 

When out from the freight lift arose such a clatter, 
The CCTV panned to see to the matter. 
To the front desk ripped a guard in a flash 
A stain down his front from a half-complete slash. 

His view a white visage of fresh spray-on snow 
Obscuring the larceny happening below 
And what to his prying eyes else would it show? 
The Bastard and PFY, hacksaw in tow. 

With a tea trolley laden with construction brick 
He'd know in a moment it wasn't St. Nick. 
More rapid than diarrhoea, their work tools they came, 
They chuckled, the sniggered, and called them by name; 

"Now, HAMMER! now, HACKSAW! now, PHILLIPS HEAD and FLAT! 
On, CUTTERS!, On GRINDER!, ERASER and NO-STATIC MAT!" 
Away to the boardroom! Half way down the wall! 
The safe and its contents, soon open to all! 

And then, in a twinkling, I heard near the tree 
The sound of a chainsaw being started with glee! 
A camera swung wildly, alert from the sound 
In time to see Pine needles, all swirling around. 

Disguised well in fur, from his head to his foot, 
The Bastard was watching, face blackened with soot; 
Acetylene torch lit and fired up as well, 
Cutting through plate steel - leaving quite a smell. 

Alarm bells were ringing, followed by a shout 
And silenced five seconds on - System problem no doubt 
The smoke from the cutter had cranked up the pace 
As sprinklers discharged themselves all over the place. 

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! 
As the PFY "topped up" the Management Sherry 
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a grin 
As sherry was emptied, and now for the Gin.. 

The videotape removed from a pocket unbidden 
With scenes from the past year (from cameras hidden) 
Some shocking, some sneaky, some fresh and some smelly 
Timed later to screen from all lunchroom Tellys. 

Security stumbled up four flights flat out 
The lifts, they were broken - now figure that out. 
He raced to the boardroom, be there in a tick!, 
But look out! He's tripped over a sockful of brick. 

They spoke not a word, re-instating the lifts, 
Leaving stockings with brick, liberating the gifts 
Collecting their spoils for the exit to night, 
They stopped at the guard saying "You ain’t seen me, right?" 

They sprang to the freight door, and out to the street, 
Moving quite quickly - a night bus to meet! 
And I heard them exclaim, as they mounted the Bus 
"Merry Christmas to all and the drinks are on us!!" 

_______________________________________________


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